On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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