my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
