I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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