Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
