Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
