Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
