He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
