Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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