My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
