ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
