some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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