dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
