So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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