His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
