Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
