it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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