the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
