My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I AM VODKA MAN
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
