i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
