I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
