sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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