I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just found puke in my bra..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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