i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
