he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
