we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
