My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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