I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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