It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
