I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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