she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
