singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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