he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
