I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
