It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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