umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
