Whod you bang
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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