i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
