It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
