I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
