ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
