We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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