It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
