The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
