that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
