when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
