What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
