you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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