I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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