Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
