i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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