Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
