Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
