I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
