I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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