Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
