There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
