your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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