Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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