I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
