Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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